Hey hey hey!
Behind the scenes of this little space of mine, I’ve been going through some big changes. Maybe you’ve noticed, maybe not. Sometimes it’s hard to tell what really comes through on social media. It’s good change though. I would call it serious personal development. I don’t think you can go through any major life “thing” and come out unchanged. It’s natural and part of life and really, I’m grateful for it. Even though experiencing and coping with vertigo, and then vestibular neuritis, really does suck (for lack of a better word).
You know my story, but if you don’t, I’d go back and check it out. Getting sick in the fall was the catalyst to my growth. It has been four months since the day the vertigo hit. Some days I wish I could remember what I felt like the day before the vertigo hit. I have sort of a new “normal” now. I’m no longer dealing with vertigo, but healing from vestibular neuritis takes time. My residual symptom is that sometimes I feel like I’m on a moving dock. That’s really the best way to describe it. I’m not dizzy, my world is no longer spinning, but sometimes it just feels a little off. I’m thankful my recovery has gone the way it has because I have read horror stories (note: do not research on the internet how long your chronic condition could last!). From what I’ve read though, I’m lucky. Within two weeks of the vertigo hitting my system, I returned to my normal life, although not unscathed. Here’s the thing though: I’m looking on the bright side because in my opinion there’s no other way to move forward.
Some moments I get sad because I feel like I lost a few months of my life because I couldn’t be present in the moment because I was so caught up with figuring out how to get better. But then I think well if I hadn’t thrown myself completely into figuring out how to heal, then I wouldn’t be in the position I am today (which is happy and grateful). I live in the moment. That’s not to say I’m foolish or reckless, what it means is that I really appreciate the every-day stuff. Like, for example, going to work, cooking in the kitchen, managing a messy house, trying to keep up with laundry… All that stuff was definitely stuff I complained about in the past, but when you lose your ability to cook, manage your house (walk a straight line for that matter!), you really want to get back to normal. In the hardest moments I remember just crying to my husband that I just wanted to feel normal again.
My husband and I had some serious conversations throughout this. What it came down to was that I needed to come to terms with what I was dealing with. I wasn’t going to get better from the vestibular neuritis overnight. I wanted so badly to just continue on with life, so I had to figure out how. This gets into the mental and emotional part of it. What I came to find out is that although it was a physical thing I was dealing with, it really was how I mentally and emotionally handled it that made the difference. For example, I didn’t want to fall apart in front of my kids and I wanted them to feel like life was still going on as normal, because it was, only I felt different. Vestibular neuritis is an invisible disease. No one else noticed it, only I knew which was both a very good thing and extremely frustrating.
It’s still crazy to me that I ended up with this bizarre thing all from a sinus and ear infection. It also still totally freaks me out. Taking care of myself is a huge priority. I have to take care of myself so that I can enjoy the rest of my life. I have to try to get a good amount of sleep, I have to eat well, I have to pay attention to how I’m feeling, I have to do yoga or some form of exercise. However, it’s not really that I have to, but that I really want to. I want to eat healthy and go for runs and play with my children. I want to feel my absolute best because life is just so much more enjoyable that way.
These days when I come home from work and I feel like there are a million things to tackle, it doesn’t get to me like it used to. So there’s a ton to do and I’ll never accomplish it all, so what? Laundry is going to be there tomorrow and really does anyone else care if my house is spotless?
Why am I sharing all this? I sort of just felt like I had to. Like I wanted you to know that I went through this BIG thing and I learned how to help myself heal. So if you see me sharing stuff on social media about essential oils and eating whole foods, it’s really about something bigger. It’s about wanting to live my life at my best and feeling so grateful that I can.
Maybe you’ve gone through something in your life too and you can relate.
I’ll be back soon because man my sweet baby Emerson’s monthly update is long overdue. He’s almost 8 months old!
Talk to you soon 🙂